What is my take? An honest one.
For most, waiting is a spiritual or religious issue and the Bible speaks against fornication. If a person goal is to stay connected to their faith, they will or should strive and restrain from having sex out of wedlock. Are they doing it is a question no one really knows.
First as I often say: “belief is powerful and anything that we believe our brain seeks to find evidence to support that belief.” That said, there are a host of celibacy support groups on Facebook and twitter encouraging people to wait on marriage before having sex and showing couple who did wait e.g. celebrities. I support these groups and their goal.
I have to be honest about what I see because NO one has true numbers on this subject. It is really a guessing game. What I did do was surveyed thousands and spoken with hundreds of men and found that the number were extremely low in the group studied.
One waiting site studies said that only 3% of Americans have successfully waited to have sex before marriage. Out of that group 60% are women and 40% are men. If you go under 25 it is about 11% but the ratio of men and women is higher about 70% to 30%. What do these numbers tell us? That there is a tremendous shortage of men NOT waiting and people in the church are not waiting as some believe.
This post is not about telling you want to do, preach to you about what is right or wrong. It is designed to offer some suggestions if you are waiting.
DO NOT HAVE ANY ATTACHMENTS TO MARRIAGE if you are waiting!
This means that if you are NOT having sex before marriage, maintain your standards but at the same time detached yourself to the result of this stand. Do not look for support to provide you evidence of those who did get married and they waited. Stop going to website searching for this evidence of those who had success. These support groups should be more about encouraging you to maintain your walk and providing relationship skills while waiting to their members. Instead of pushing an agenda of sharing those that waited and are successfully married. This is providing you to be more attachment to the outcome in my opinion.
You can and will become discourage if you become attached to the outcome of marriage. I know women approaching 40 and are still waiting to be married and have no kids. Many have friends that did NOT wait but are now married with children. The question is, was it because they did not wait? I Just don’t know and NOT looking for any evidence.
But guess who often ask me for dating advice or desperately seeking help? Women in their late 30 or early 40s who have waited and waited and now leaving the church discourage, frustrated, resentful and even angry.
Do you want to know what was my response to their situation?
- Why where you waiting?
- To serve God’s principle or did you falsely believe that you were entitled to a husband because you waited?
Wait because this is YOUR standard. If you get married great if you don’t it wasn’t for you. It should be that simple with any frustrations or resentment. God did NOT let you down; you let yourself by being attach to something that he never promised.
This may NOT be what you wanted to hear but it is honest.